THT offers low cost counselling for gay and bisexual men, covering a whole range of issues including relationships and fidelity.
Tiago Brandao is a counsellor at Terrence Higgins Trust. “Then I found out that I was also an ‘other guy’ as his boyfriend had moved abroad but they hadn’t split up.” “We were together for eight months, and I was cheated on numerous times,” says Adam, 32. I think he felt so guilty about it that he went into extreme denial, telling me that I was paranoid or delusional, when in fact I read the situation exactly the way it was.” I suspected something was going on but he denied it. “He met someone else and they became lovers. He was working during the day so we didn’t really get to see each other much, except at weekends,” says Daniel, 46. “I was in a very serious relationship with a guy but then I started a new job where I had to work nights.
Needless to say I dumped him and asked him to move out.” “He denied it until I showed him the evidence that I’d found: a bundle of love letters from this man and a load of pictures. “I found out that my boyfriend of three years was having an affair with a younger man for six months while working away,” says Jordan, 45. “He slept with multiple people behind my back and bragged about it to people who I thought were mutual friends,” says Andy, 38. “He started seeing another person behind my back,” says Paul, 36, “and he was stupid enough to tell a mutual friend, who then told me.” “They then went into a cubicle together.” “I saw my then boyfriend kissing another guy in the toilets of a gay bar,” says Carl, 26. Some admitted to surreptitiously browsing the mobile/laptop of their spouse, while some simply caught them red-handed. Some of the men we surveyed cited suspicious behaviour, others heard via friends. Perhaps it’s no big surprise that infidelity is also commonplace on Britain’s gay scene. It provides lyrical inspiration for heartbroken popstars and extra drama in soap operas. It’s a topic that fills the inbox of agony aunts and provokes outrage on daytime talk shows. Infidelity is the fuel that powers tabloid gossip columns and celebrity websites. What does ‘infidelity’ even mean? What is considered ‘cheating’? And can even open relationships be betrayed? We find out. 58% said that a partner has been unfaithful in a relationship, while 51% admitted that they’ve been unfaithful in a relationship. The latest FS survey of almost 1,000 readers asked about their thoughts and experiences with extra-curricular activities outside of a relationship. Has a boyfriend ever cheated on you? Have you ever cheated? If either answer (or both) is “yes” then you’re in the majority. Words by Stuart Haggas | | Photos: © Shutterstock/Mavo The LGBT HERO Positive Pub Crawl | Thursday, 11 March 2022